A stiff-necked people

We did the Golden Calf story in Children & Worship and in my Bible Study last week which reminded me of this piece I wrote in July 2018.


Lunch today was rough. Partway into our meal I saw my son sucking grapes into his mouth. I’ve caught him doing this once before—it’s hard to explain with words, but he sucks them in with such force that you can just picture them hurtling back and getting lodged into his wind pipe. I can be overly paranoid sometimes, but I decide this isn’t one of those times. I ask him to stop, explaining that he could choke. My husband agrees—confirmation that I’m not being overly cautious.

At this point I should add that my son is going through an obstinate phase. Lately, it seems to be his goal in life to disobey any request from his parents. So it shouldn’t have surprised me too much when I turn a minute later and see his wide eyes, shocked face and mouth open in a way that shows he is clearly choking. I alert my husband and as he pulls my son out of his chair to give him the Heimlich, the grape, thankfully, dislodges from my son’s throat. My daughter, son and I all dissolve into tears as my husband stands staring—all of us in shock.

A few hours later, I get the kids settled down for naps and collapse in front of Parks and Rec, knitting in hand. Now that I’m sitting and still, the events from lunch rush back to me. Eventually I turn off the TV (you know it’s bad when Leslie Knope can’t cheer you up) and open my Bible. I land in Exodus and read about the Golden Calf incident. Tears fill my eyes for the second time today as I once again see my obstinate son staring at me with wide, scared eyes, unable to breathe:

7 And the Lord said to Moses, “Go down, for your people, whom you brought up out of the land of Egypt, have corrupted themselves. 8 They have turned aside quickly out of the way that I commanded them. They have made for themselves a golden calf and have worshiped it and sacrificed to it and said, ‘These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt!’” 9 And the Lord said to Moses, “I have seen this people, and behold, it is a stiff-necked people. 10 Now therefore let me alone, that my wrath may burn hot against them and I may consume them, in order that I may make a great nation of you.”

My child has a stiff-neck. Oh my goodness, does my child have a stiff-neck. He never would tell me what caused him to choke, but I’m fairly certain he either sucked in another grape or tried to get it lodged into his throat. He’s curious so I’m sure he just wanted to understand what would happen when he choked. (Thankfully, I don’t think he’ll try that again.) As I read in Exodus, I'm smacked in the face with the realities of the fall—the realities of human nature. Why do we insist on doing what is bad for us? This is the story again and again throughout history. It starts with Adam and Eve eating the fruit when they know they shouldn’t, but it doesn’t stop there.

In Exodus 20, God gives Moses the 10 Commandments, which includes a command that his people must not have any other gods before Him. Two chapters later, Moses tells all of these commandments to the people of Israel and they proclaim, “All the words that the Lord has spoken we will do.” Moses returns to Mount Sinai to receive further instruction from God and, while he’s gone, the Israelites get impatient. So Aaron, Moses’ brother, makes them a golden calf. The people worship it, saying, “These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt.” (32:4). From Adam and Eve, to the Israelites, to me, to my dear son—we are a stiff-necked people.

In the time of ancient Israel, there were clear examples of stiff-necks. They would have worked with donkeys and mules regularly and realized how difficult it can be to convince the creatures to do what you want. “Stiff-neck” would have brought to mind the master trying to turn the animal’s head to direct it, only to have the creature outright refuse to move its head. This is a helpful visual for me. I spend my days trying to direct the steps of my precious children. Many days I feel like they are outright refusing that direction.

Sure there are times I’m directing them a certain way because that’s what I want or need at that moment. Just as the owner of a donkey would be directing it to do his work—not necessarily something the animal wanted to do, but something that needed to be done. But there are other times when the animal’s master is directing him for his own good—directing him away from a pit or a steep precipice—moving him away from danger. Why, oh why, do my children have to have stiff-necks in these moments? Why can’t they recognize that I’m only trying to keep them safe?

When God tells Moses that his people have rebelled against him in the verses I quote above, he declares a desire to just wipe them all out and start over with Moses. But in the end, God doesn’t destroy his people. He does punish them, but he still remains committed to them as his people. He still takes care of them and ultimately he still gives them all the blessings he has promised. Shortly after he agrees to spare their lives, he reveals himself to Moses, declaring the following:

6 The Lord passed before him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, 7 keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation.”

If I’m honest with myself, I’m just as stiff-necked as my kids. I’m stubborn and insistent on getting my way, even when it’s not the best thing for me. Yet the Lord extends mercy and grace to me. He is slow to anger, even in my repetitive disobedience. He abounds in steadfast love and faithfulness for me, even in my fallen, depraved state.

Back to present day. My children are, of course, not sleeping. I am, of course, exhausted and in need of sleep. I want to do everything but forgive my son right now, but that’s what I do. I forgive him for disobeying. I forgive him for terrifying me. I forgive him for every time today, this week, and this month he’s done something I’ve told him not to do. He doesn’t deserve forgiveness, but neither do I. So I extend to him the gracious, loving forgiveness of which I’m a grateful recipient.

Celebrating World Down Syndrome Day

The kids and I sported our crazy mismatched socks for World Down Syndrome Day today! My son immediately thought it was so fun and couldn't believe I was telling him to put on different socks. But he, of course, also wanted to know why. I thought I was ready for this question--I explained the reason different socks are used to celebrate Down Syndrome. I started with the idea that socks look a little like chromosomes and people with down syndrome have an extra chromosome. I then realized I had to explain what chromosomes are so I threw a quick, simple explanation of that in. I then talked about my Uncle Dan and how he had Down Syndrome. By the end, I think my son may have been starting to grasp the idea for different socks, but he also was clearly mixing up his Uncle Dan with my Uncle Dan. It was definitely not my clearest explanation.

Which made me realize how little I've equipped myself for this conversation. Having two healthy kids, I haven't really thought much about how I would share with them about genetic conditions. This is a little crazy to me, because there was never a point in my own life where I didn't know about down syndrome.

Growing up with an uncle who had Down Syndrome, I always knew what it was. Because he was a family member, but not a sibling, most people didn't know I had a connection to someone with Downs unless they made some insensitive comment. But my understanding of and connection to Downs was something I always carried with me.

My uncle was a truly amazing person. When he was born, they told my grandmother that she shouldn't even bother taking him home since he likely wouldn't live through the night. My grandmother was one of the most stubborn women I've known. At times that made life difficult for me and my family. But I'm grateful for her stubborn nature, because I know that's what made her firmly say, "He's my son and I'm taking him home." He lived into his late 40s--a long, healthy life for someone with Down Syndrome.

He loved country music and always had a particular album he was hoping for at Christmas or his birthday. Wanting to make sure he got it, he would tell everyone he knew what he wanted. Of course, as a result, he ended up with, not just one, but many copies. He was so beloved that no one could resist buying him whatever he asked for.

Eventually, I'll pass all of these stories on to my kids. We'll look at old pictures and I'll tell them all about my Uncle Dan and what a special person he was. I do some of that now, but it's hard for them to fully grasp the meaning of the stories.

But I'm encouraged that I feel this burden to pass on to them a love for and respect of those different from them. It would be easy not to deal with things like Down Syndrome until my kids are exposed to it, but I would encourage those reading to have these conversations now--even if they're tricky. My uncle grew up in a time when no one knew about Down Syndrome and I think that was often difficult for him. Awareness can be such a game changer when living with something like Downs. My hope is that by having these difficult conversations now, when my children are young, I'm raising them to celebrate differences. Long term, I hope this will enable them to respond to those who are different-abled with kindness and love.

Craft Time: Paper Chain Lent Countdown

For some reason this is the first year my kids have really acknowledged the season of Lent and I have to say, they are very confused by it. We've talked about how it's a time that leads up to Easter, which they understand. But then, when they ask how soon Easter is, they are confused that it's still so far away. I think what is especially hard is the length of Lent. At 46 days, Lent is almost double the length of Advent. It's especially hard for my kids to understand how long this time is because we don't have a lent equivalent of an Advent calendar that we can move through. Each day they are closer to Easter, but they have no visual representation of this movement.

I was thinking about all of this when I came across Sally Llyod-Jones suggestion to make a paper chain to show the length of Lent. This seemed like the perfect solution! It gives the kids a visual for the length of Lent and was something we could make together. Here's how we made ours:

I wanted to use this project to recycle some of our paper grocery bags, so to start, I used my quilting mat and cutter to cut out the sides of three grocery bags.

Then, we painted the insides of the paper bags. We used simple washable paints, like these, and these dot markers (afiiliate links).

Once our artwork had dried, I cut the paper bags into 2" strips and then cut those strips in half to make the links for our chain. Be sure to cut enough strips. You'll need 1 for each day in Lent, plus one for Easter morning if you want. If you made it today so that you can start taking chains off tomorrow, you would need 41. (Remember, with Sundays, there are 46 days in Lent, not counting Easter Sunday. We are on day 6).

Then we began to assemble the chain. We taped our edges, but you could also use a glue stick. I let the kids do the taping, which they loved.

As we went, I wrote the names of the stories we'll read from the Jesus Storybook Bible on the back of the chains. That way, as we take the chains off, they'll tell us what story we should read that day.
(I left the Sunday chains blank since those are catch up days.)

Here's our completed chain! We'll take one link off each day until it's Easter Sunday. We had so much fun making it and the kids have such a better sense of Lent now that they can see how long the chain is. 

It took us a couple hours total to make our chain, but if you do something more simple--construction paper with numbers--it would take even less time that that. Since I wanted to reuse paper bags, we had a larger process for making ours. We only finished ours yesterday so, even though Lent has already started, I would say it's not too late to make one. No matter when you start, it will be a helpful and fun activity for kids.